the preparations

so, everything is sorta ready. i'm back to school!

the luggage
the socks
the backpack
the basket of magical thoughts
the telekung
the new pink pail *wink*
the towel, blanket, pahlawan bedsheet and blanket again
the bottle of quenching thirst
the books to kill boredom
the files of homeworksssssssss
the garments
p.s. he'll be back within less than 24 hours in time, can't wait


to her

hello there! the one whose name started with the letter A and S for the second syllable.

as for you to know, i stalk you almost everyday, almost everytime. why? i don't know. its not that im obsessed to know you, it as though im envying you, maybe a bit. you have that strong force of attraction that makes me google you all the way, read your un-updated blog, stalk your instagram, stalk all your tweets and also, facebook. we once argued about the silly little thing, specifically its about boys, no, a boy. oh, thats too obvious and im not going to reveal to anyone who you are.

though we are not in the same school, i just hoped that you got those straight A's for your PMR and be my schoolmate. so i'd know you more. yes, i really want to know you and be your friend and hang up with you just like i did with my other friends. i don't know why. you're like haunting my dreams, everynight of me being friends with you. i want you to know me. and vice versa. if you're reading this and you think you're the one, you might possibly ask my number to anyone closed to you. they know me. how desperate i am.

its sad to know that there's know way i could be your friend. of pasts mistake i did, it feels as if i'm an insecure bitch who is awkwardly finding my own social life.

gah, what has gotten into me?

boy bands

so i'm into this famous boy band called Mcfly recently, besides One Direction and currently am a directioner and mcflyer :)

from your left; Danny Jones, Dougie Poynter,Tom Fletcher and Harry Jude
the musics are utterly inspiring. one of my favourite acoustic song of theirs is Love is Easy where Tom Fletcher strums his ukulele. and as you guys know, they are also famous with It's All About You song. that's all. just spending some of my times here sharing my latest interest.
from your left; Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Harry Styles
i know quite much about them. Liam as the leader, Louis is already taken and her girlfriend is gorgeous, i must say. Zayn, sketching his brand new tattoo, no i don't like him much, Niall known as the white-haired one. yeah, they are good. and i love the way they roll as brothers. some of the songs are catchy and revolve around teen's life. it's not that bad to be a directioner after all.


i'm tired of smiling while they fucked it all up.

to my dearest Raja Farah Afiqah

with her ssp/tkc so called style :P

im congratulating you for whatever result you've achieved, i hope it's not too late for me to carve a smile on your pretty lips. firstly, im showing you some kinda efforts because i need to tell you that i do love you.

PMR is just a test to help you on making decision of choosing your stream during form 4. you don't have to be ashamed of not getting 8A's, 7 is a big number. everyone is proud of you, so do i. i know you've made it to the fullest. i know you are one strong girl. so, don't break just because of you've failed to fulfill everyone's expectation. believe me, its an astonishing achievement you've got. don't ever dare to regret because God is giving you some other chance for you to grab. i know how it feels to be you farah. but one thing you also need to know is, everyone is envying your perfect life too. as for me, you have caring parents who'll always be at your back to catch you when you're falling. they love you for the way their daughter are. be grateful. there's no lacking in you. you are just perfectly perfect in being yourself. i know, you have a really big potential in the future, kiddo. its just you who haven't discover what it would be soon.

my dear,
i'm pleading. what past consider as pasts. there's no turning back on what you've done before. i do regret of the thing i missed, the thing i failed to do and so on. but, we still have future to face off. do what you want to do. don't cramp up your mind with those absurdity. form 4 is another tough task you need to face. you got to learn a lot from now on. form 4 isn't really a honeymoon year i tell you. so, make everyone proud of your result for SPM. i know you can.


im here again!

so just now i thought of something i usually write. which is of my feeling. again.

hello Ammar Fiqri! long time nothing written about you aite? with sincerity and passion, it happens for me to say i miss you! i'm hoping you're doing over-fine there. cause i'm super-fine here. i wish. well, no more romantic and tempting words, you say? here i go!

cause i'm no poetry, i ain't yet a psychatrist neither an angel to protect you. but i'll remain here to love you to no end. i'm no poetry to compose a lovely poem to you. i ain't yet a psychatrist to read your mind and reveal your frailty. i'm she. who used to love you for an uncountable times a day. for the count of grains of the sand in the world.

would you remember me? as the one who laughed with you all night long during phonecalls, the one who told you to eat everyday and would never care of how bloated you're tummy would be after that, the one who furiously sent you text when you fell asleep, the one who answered you're subuh demand calls, the one who i'd say the first thing that'd always came up first everytime you awake from sleep.

no one cares and nobody will of the feelings that we share. it's nothing to be flaunt because it is genuinely came from us. i'd say i love you everyday to you, but have you ever examined how determine i am and how deep are those three words for me? it's called awesome threesome by the way. you wouldn't know because you won't. i'm waiting because that's a promise. and i promised you there will be no regret again this time.

enough for tonight i think. everynight seems restless without you here. and i promise you, i'd nonetheless love you like before when i wake up tomorrow.

hello, im still alive!

sigh in relief. it has been quite sometimes since i last wrote in my abandoned despite a whole crap neglected blog. nothing private but im just too attached too tumblr these days, as i said earlier. there are tons of homeworks need to be done. i just can't wait for everything to end and for me to be at ease.

the school life is about to start. again. and 2013 is a year full of huge commitments and still a long way to finish. the massive exam which is SPM awaits and it scares me loads. i got a long way list of things-to-do after school! yay! just another run through this one year and everything seems to be over. i hate school, everyone does. i bet.

i hate school for some discouraging reasons. i hate the competition the school offers, no no, the Resilient offers. bull to the shit. if you're in my shoes, then you'll know how it feels to be me. to be a Resilient crew, to be a form 4 student. wasting times is something to no avail, yet it is something that strengthen the bond between me and the girls. they'd never fail to show me affections whenever i'm so welled up by tears.

oh, i miss them so much now. the laughters we squealed up all night, the gossips we spread dorm by dorm. the secrets we'd never keep. the surprises we made when the clock hand turns 12 at midnight. the scream shrieking by jokes and sacrcasm. and the fun we had throughout four years being together. through reality and trance. we keep on holding on together.

to embark a new year, i wish everyone an overjoyed fortune, shall us together to stand as one again as before. i miss those things though. i love you resilient babies :*

dear loved ones

this :3



i'm definitely going to cry now


go away, misery!

she's sitting there. alone, wiping tears that splatters the letter. she crosses her legs, takeing her breath in, deeply. trying to be calm. she's relaxing herself, physically. yet, she's paralyzed inside. indeed. there's nothing she can do. nothing. but she won't give up. that's a promise and a vow made when she and him were on the altar, repeating every single word the priest said. she still remember the moment she walked through the aisle, gripping her father's arm so hard, with both brown beautiful eyes sticked and still on that pair of her loved one's eyes. to be cleared, her husband. the eyes she'll never forget. the eyes she'll always think of. the eyes that mesmerizes her when they first met. and always will.

she reminisces each and every memory of them, being together. he embraced her with her toast warm body. she felt secure and believed there's nothing could harm her as long as he's there. but it was all left as a memory. he's leaving her now. he's leaving her for another happiness that he had recently found. she'd never knew what mistake had she done. her mind blurred by all thoughts. she did nothing, but cry. all day and night. all weeks and months. though it takes another thousand years to mourn, she will cry. she knows the pain is suffocating. she'd rather die than living without him and all because she's still hypnotized by the surprise he planned, the surprise that should carve a smile on her face and not this kind of sickening tears.

she's standing up now, on her own. the curtains are all tied. she looks up for the sun. the sun is bold and shimmering. close enough to hurt her eyes. the sunlight glitters penetrate through the glass of the window pane. the sunlight ray is beautiful and energetic. she breathes again. she knows there'll always be a light for her to walk, and to guide her from another wrong path. even if she has to walk alone, she'll walk. and find her another happiness. but this time is different. cause she'll walk without him. facing off life.

wedding souvenirs

so, i just got back from Ipoh, attending my cousins wedding. they are twins yet ain't look alike. these are some pictures. enjoy :D

this little kid named alia, she hates camera

 and this little monster, he's annoying
 screw me, bullshit
 cam whoring with my forever enemy
 the beautiful purplish brides
 mama with her some sort of quirky pose
 mama and aunts and one of the brides
mama with her sister

no longer there

i'm always here, wanting and waiting for him
i'm always here, hoping and wishing for him to act
i'm always here, crying and dying for his love
i'm always here, looking and seeking for his attention
i'm always here, talking and laughing for the past memories
i'm always here, praying and willing to wait for him

this :3

for God's sake, why don't you ask him first, dear girl?
however, if i were that girl, i'll be doing the same
why would you let me go at first place if you still love me?


sayang apa khabar denganmu?
di sini ku merindukan kamu
ku harap cintamu takkan berubah
kerna disini ku tetap untukmu

sayang apa khabar denganmu?
cubalah kamu telefon diriku
ku rindu dengan suara indahmu
kerna dirimulah semangat hidupku

sayang dengarlah permintaanku
jangan ragukan cintaku
sayang percayalah apa kataku
kerna ku sayang kamu

sayang dengarlah permintaanku
jaga hatimu untukku
sayang dengarlah bisikan hatiku
kerna ku sayang kamu

syaa shae



ieda, thank you for hearing some shits from me last night. tak boleh control sorang sorang, you know me so well kan? kau laaagi berpengalaman daripada aku i guess, im bad at making decision. sigh. i miss you ieda. aku rasa nk ambik mp3 kau then dengar lagu lagu then nangis je. then nanti bantal kau basah. hekk.hugs and kisses xx.
hanys, thank you for your encouraging words, somehow, aku rasa bersemangat balik! thats what you guys have been thinking about eh selama ni? hihi. asal tak cakap awal awal? gahhh, okay i'll listen. btw respect gila kat kau cos pergi tuition. mesti kau pandai gila enn. love ya.

to infinity and beyond

you once said this to me
and this
i miss you.

keep on roaring, tiger!

selamanya, selamanya, selamanya Harimau Malaya!
go Farizal Marlias, Safee Sali, Shahrul Idlan, Safiq Rahim, Kunalan, Wan Zack Haikal and etc
though some of them simpanan, tapi takpe

someone like you

sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead


if you ever wanna love me like before, treat me like you're supposed to.
if you ever wanna take care of me, show me some protection.
if you ever wanna be with me, love me like you used to.

i'm tired of hoping something i never get. it's devastating. i wish there will be no more tears tonight. i'm completely torn apart. and i'm tired.


jujurlah padaku bila kau tak lagi suka
tinggalkan lah aku bila tak mungkin bersama 
jauhi diriku lupakanlah aku 



rindu kak yong :'( sobs

missing melody

i miss my clarinet so badly :/

and the melody produced by his trumpet. i wish he knew.

now playing: marriage d'amour, a one nice relaxing calming piano instrumental by Richard Clayderman, just so you know how bad i really want to hear you play.


it ain't easy

hey guys.

i've deactivated my social networks recently for some major reasons.none of anyone business i did this. sorry. however, i haven't start any of my hw yet though. lol. thats how i occasionally waste my time. holidays are ending up. suck it up, dude.

love. well, we're having some hard times together. currently. but its okay, i'll keep it to myself.

gahh, holidays aren't suppose to dissapoint me this way. i'm off. bye.


i doubt you because you lied me once. i doubt you because you are mine. i doubt you because i wouldn't let you fall to someone else easily. it seems easy to hold. its not.

pursuit of happiness.

i wish my life is perfect. i wish my parents would accept the flaws i have. i wish they would talk to me more oftenly. i wish they would smile at me at all times. i wish they would listen to my sighs. i wish they would know how badly a growing tennage daughter needs love and attention. i wish they would always positive to me. i wish they wouldn't let me down with those saddening words. i wish they wouldn't blare their voice everytime i make mistake. i wish they would lecture me fondly and slowly, nothing to rush for anyways, i'm always home. i wish they would be a little more patient to guide me.

i make mistake. everyone does. no one to be blamed. why won't they give me a chance to mend my pasts? am i that bad? don't i deserve what everyone so called as love? im fragile. i do.

 i will smile to heal the broken soul. i will clean the dirty thoughts that keep on lingering my mind. i will strenghten the losing faith. i will because im a daughter. im a daughter who is apparently isolated from the real spoon of love.


at some points, i feel invisible to others. hmm.

strong, i guess

it has been quit some times since the last 'i love you'
you'll never know how to appreciate someone until you lose them
if you are a human, then you'll know how sucks you have to deal with it
if you are a robot, then you'll know nothing and will just stumble upon it
you decide, i'll accept.
i am human, i have feelings. till then, thank you.

stand up and..

i will smile, today and forever


though i may not get see you as often as i wish, my heart is always here, for you, still and strong. you are always on my mind, still. we are together now, still. but, the acts and behaviours, keep on changing day by day. i'm typing with an only hope. i hope that you realize how much have you changed into someone i never knew these days.

i miss you, i miss the way you treat me before. i want the old childish you. i don't want you to grow up. i don't want you to think of being a man. you are a man, since the very first day i met you. it just.. i miss you so much. it ain't typical. its because i miss the old you.

you tickled me with your compliments. used to i mean. but its okay. at least you love me, still. like i do. it sickens me how time could change someone. i wish we'll never grow old. if it does, i want to grow old with you. is it that complicated?

my dear,
i miss you. really. i'm tired of being ignored. i need attention. i need to laugh with your jokes though it hurts sometimes. please, i miss you :/